The stories of “Aunt Hetty on Matrimony” and of “Hungry Husbands” may appear to be far removed from what we witnessed at home with our parents. None of the stories relate to my mother or to my father. I have always been very proud of my father because he was not the kind of husband described in stories.
I said that I am very proud of my father because he could have been a domestic Napoleon and my mother could have been his victim. I say this because I grew in a culture in which matrimony was expected to be like the one described by Fanny Fern. The husband was expected to be sublime and the wife to be submissive. When the husband arrived home from work, he expected his wife to take off his shoes. This reality may seem far removed from our culture, but it is still embedded in other cultures.
Interestingly enough, in the cultures where this reality is embedded, wives talk amongst themselves disapproving of their husbands, yet their daughters end up marrying a domestic Napoleon, and if they do not, they are considered to be lucky. I guess that my mother was lucky because all of her sisters in law married the type of husband described by aunt Hetty and hungry husbands.
Wives could have had complained all they wanted among themselves, but this did not make the situation any better. Talking about it only offered them relief. What if they had written about their experience of having a domestic Napoleon as a husband? This would have made a difference. In this way, their daughters did not have to marry a domestic Napoleon; and if they did, they would have been considered unlucky.
By writing the stories of “Aunt Hetty on Matrimony” and of “Hungry Husbands,” Fanny Fern took action to change the status quo of matrimonies back then. This is how I think she did it: At first, the stories seem to be funny, but after reading them, I found them offensive to men and women. The stories bring shame to both genders because no woman or man wants to be publicly put to shame. No woman want to be the wife described by Fanny Fern, and no husband wants to be a domestic Napoleon or the hungry husband.
I like Fanny Fern’s stories because they are not argumentative. They are experiential stories, and sometimes, these stories have more power than arguments. We did not discuss “Fresh Leaves” in class, but this story shows that actions speak louder than arguments.
7 comments:
Fern's humor is offensive because it states the obvious? I think that the situation is offensive all on its own--but you are right; women talked among themselves (still do for that matter, though some things have changed) and the discussions were really only a way to relieve tension created by the situation. The same is true for humor---it diffuses and at the same time advocates for a change in social consciousness.
The situation was often perpetuated because women were socially pressured to marry--even against Aunt Hetty's advice. Those who did not were social outcasts from the community--social norms said that there was something wrong with women who didn't marry or who "couldn't get a man."
As a consequence, many women married unwisely so as to be a part of the community.
I do agree with your statement of actions being louder than words & arguments, and this case (more so since Fern's writings tried to invoke a certain action or reaction in opposed to anything that was factual or informative, which is a better approach in this situation). Although, even in Aunt Hetty's example, the options of the young women at the time were quite limited; in addition to the options that you discussed (Napoleonic husband or being unwed), there was always the 'Fallen Woman' criteria which happened quite often.
Your blog provided a different outlook for me - I don't generally think the situations described in Fanny Fern's works are still around, but I guess they really are! I'm sure in a much more muted context, but still sad to hear.
It is interesting that you point out that the situation is offensive for both sexes, for it really is true. I feel like that is one of the points Fern was getting at without actually saying. Not only are the relationships that Fern described offensive to men, they are also an extremely offensive to the women who were involved in them (although I do of course realize that most of these women did not have a choice about their situation).
I feel that Fern's opinion of matrimony and marriage wasn't hinderment of her own bad personal experiences. She views men as oppressing women from certain social freedoms. I think this is more a product of societys naiveness. While men were the dominant ruling class in society, their oppression of woman was do more towards how religion had shaped their view of marriage. I think Fern was the victim of a bad marriage, and as a result her view was biased based on the only experience she had.
I found your blog on Fanny Fern to be very interesting. You brought up several points related to the work that I had previously not thought of. Overall, I found the humor of Fern's work to be interesting, and you discuss something in your blog that I did not realize, while seeming humorous at first there is an underlying tone of shame and embarrasment for men and women who lead these lives.
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